


"I want to live"

by RavenSnowStar94



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arya cross Cersei's name from her list, Brienne is the Best, Cersei is dead, F/M, Got s08e05 sucked, Happy Ending, Jaime now has a future with Brienne, alternative ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 23:33:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18861202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenSnowStar94/pseuds/RavenSnowStar94
Summary: What would had happened if Jaime didn't enter the Red Keep and survived the Dragon Queen flames?He would have a future.





	"I want to live"

**Author's Note:**

> This is me having a mental breakdown and being in denial about episode 5 of season 8 lol
> 
> Hope you all enjoy <3

He punctured Euron's chest with his sword, feeling the pain overcoming his senses. When Euron started to say mad things he tried to stop the blood dropping from the wounds the other gave him.

He was going to look for Cersei, he promised Tyrion he would try and stop her even if it was the last thing he did before dying. 

Jaime knew he was going to die. If not by the flames, by the aching pain coming from his body. Before he could take another step, Tyrion's scream stopped him, he turned and saw his brother limping towards him.

“We have to go, Jaime!”

“But Tyrion...the bells! If Daenerys doesn't hear them she won't stop.”

“Jaime! Listen, they already surrendered! But she-”

“She is... burning them all…”

Jaime faltered. His mind went fuzzy and he couldn't hear the sounds around him, Tyrion was nudging him to walk.

“Get on the boat!” Jaime wasn't listening anymore. He let himself be guided to the boat near the shore, watching in a daze the city burning behind them as they went away.

Everyone was dead. Daenerys Targaryen burned them all, the innocents and not so innocents. The children, women and elderly. The ashes of these people reached the ocean, Jaime's hand tried to grasp and hold, maybe conveying some sort of comfort for the lost souls.

He wanted to be a cold heart person on that moment.

The railing of the boat was what kept him from falling into the water, his hands were smeared with his own blood.

“Hold on, brother.”

Jaime was confused. He didn't know where he was, what Tyrion was doing or even if his brother had a plan. He was deserting his queen...he would be in danger. Cersei and the rest of King's Landing were all dead, and Jaime was afraid. Afraid of what would happen then.

He doesn't know how long they stay at the boat, but when it's nightfall, they reach the shore and there was a carriage waiting for them there. There was someone inside the carriage.

“He is hurt. Try to mend him until we reach Winterfell and try not kill him.” Tyrion went to the coaching side, leaving Jaime with the woman he abandoned in Winterfell.

Brienne was quick with her fingers while taking out his shirt and seeing the two stabs on his sides. He hissed in pain when she pressed firmly her both hands over the wounds, trying to stop the blood of getting out. She looked for something on her belongings and Jaime noticed how she avoided his gaze.

“I'm sorry.”

“No. Not now.”

She made him shut up for the rest of the trip when started to literally sew his skin. He wasn't afraid of pain, but he was of closing his eyes. Letting the dreams take him away.

He knew he was delirious for the most part of the journey, from the glimpses of conversation he caught between Brienne and Tyrion, he knew that he lost way to much blood and he was feverish for days. His whole body was burning up, sweat coming down his face and he desperately wanted a bath. But his limbs couldn't move, he was too weak and too tired.

He had failed them. He didn't get the chance to make Cersei sound the bells before the attack…and even if he had, Jaime realized it was going to be for nothing.

Daenerys killed thousands of people.

She killed people who were innocent.

His mind couldn't grasp the idea that she turned out to be exactly as her father. Someone she claimed to have been a horrible and asked for people to not judge her from what her father did before. Hypocrisy was reigning, and Jaime hated everything.

Weeks passed, Jaime still felt like a ghost, each day drifting to a numbing state of mind. It was getting colder and colder, and he knew they must be hours away from their destiny. He didn't know how the Starks, better yet, how Sansa Stark would receive him. He left in the middle of the night, after saying horrible things to Brienne.

They reached Winterfell, the Stark banner lively on its walls and people seemed happy.

Brienne hopped off the carriage, not looking once at Jaime. She strode towards Sansa Stark who was waiting under the balcony with Bran on a wheelchair.

Jaime had difficulty to walk, but he put a hand on Tyrion's shoulder and tried to use him as a cane.

“You are indeed the stupidest Lannister as they say.” Her tone was harsh, and Brienne seemed to look away as if not wanting to be there.

“You weren't supposed to go, Jaime Lannister.” Bran's dead voice risen. “You are supposed to be a bridge between the Lannister house and our house. Don't fight what the future holds for you.” He looked quickly towards Brienne, and Jaime stared back at Bran in confusion.

“I am not a hero, Lord Bran.”

“Nobody is saying that.” Sansa said with annoyance.

Brienne pushed Bran’s wheelchair back to the warmth while Sansa stared at both Lannisters in front of her.

“I told you what would happen. Regardless, I’m glad that you are alive, Tyrion. But try to be smart next time, your foolishness almost got you killed.” She threw a quick look at Jaime. “And your brother.”

She turned around, marching to the direction where Brienne disappeared to, leaving both brothers speechless. Jaime wanted to call for Brienne but it was too soon, to presumptions of him to think she still would let him in her live. He made a mess of his life, all because he wanted to do the good thing for once.

Tyrion guided him to his bedroom, they would share for the time being, Jaime was still fragile due to the wounds and not getting enough medical attention during the trip. Brienne only made him stable, but he needed to be checked by healers.

“Jaime, sit down for God's name!”

Jaime wanted to run, or stay, he was a mess of thoughts and he was sore from the fight he had with Euron. That damn bastard! Jaime felt relief when killing him, the only good thing from his visit to King’s Landing.

Tyrion got busy with dealing with politics aspects next to Sansa while fearing that Daenerys would come to him and kill him. Jaine was proud of his brother, he was acting as himself again and when Jaime found out that Jon Snow had come back from King's Landing utterly angry...he knew another type of war was going to happen.

Jaime dreamed with Brienne's blue eyes ever since he reached Winterfell. He didn't see her again after the day they arrived, and he was a cowards for hiding from her and everyone. But he couldn't help the dread and fear taking control of his actions.

After one week of being back in Winterfell, Jaime wanted to go outside, he felt better when walking so he ventured himself outside of Tyrion's bedroom late in the night.

The cloak around his shoulders weren't enough to make him warm, but he wanted to feel something other than pain and sadness. He walked around the grounds, reaching the red leaves tree behind the main tower, seeing Bran there.

“The things we do for love.”

Jaime couldn't help the roll of his eyes. He hated that it was a trigger for him, remembering when he pushed this boy out of the window many years ago. He hated himself now.

“It's cold, Lord Bran.”

Bran stared at nothing in particular in front of him. He had a calm expression, and seemed to be comfortable there.

“Do you wish for me to ask someone to move you? Or I could, if you don't mind.”

“Not necessary...the war ended, and Daenerys Targaryen will reach her end soon.” Bran looked at Jaime. “You think you lost everything. But you should look attentively, peace comes from within.”

Bran then moved his own chair, disappearing through the archway and leaving a stunned Jaime behind. The force on his legs gave in, his knees hit the snowy ground and for some reason he wept.

He wept for his sister, the woman he loved so much; for his children who all died and he never could be a father; for his brother, who believed in him but Jaime was too slow to reach Cersei on time to ring the bells; and deep down, for Brienne, the owner of his dreams and the sole believer of his honor. Jaime sat on the snow then, trying to not hate himself, trying to tell him that there was still time to atone for his sins completely. He didn't want to die and not having done something worthwhile. He didn't want to die with his pages blank. There was some loneliness creeping on the back of his mind, and he tried to push away.

Jaime Lannister walked to the only place he had found peace some months ago. He climbed the stairs of the west tower, nodding at some guards that passed by him. He reached the second level, hesitated on the door before knocking. When no sound came out of the room he almost gave up, but then a warm atmosphere welcomed him when the door finally opened.

Brienne looked up and down at him. With nothing showing on her face, not even disgust.

“You are hateful indeed.”

Her words were harsh but her face was still expressionless. She wasn't moving so he thought that he wasn't allowed on her space anymore.

“I am.” That was the truth.

He took a moment to observe her on this fire light, noticing she was wearing only a tunic and her under pants. Her hair slightly disheveled, and her blue eyes popping from her pale face.

“What do you want?”

She took a step back, placing the door a little in front of her, as if Jaime's sole presence hurt her.

“I don't know.”

“Talk to me when you decide what you want for your life.”

Brienne tried to close the door, but he put the prosthesis hand made of gold on the way and she gave a yelp noticing she closed the door on him.

“Jaime, leave me alone. I’m angry with you and for now...I can’t see your face without thinking about punching you.”

She sighed tiredly, he noticed. Jaime didn’t want to make her more angry, or even sad by staying more, so he took a step back to the corridor of her bedroom and tried to smile slightly towards her. She closed the door, but not before throwing a quick look at his hand, making sure she wouldn't close on it again.

 

*

 

There was a knock on his bedroom some days later, the morning was clear but there was the gelid air still making him tremble any time he went outside.

“Lady Sansa and Lord Jon wants to have word with you, Lord Lannister.”

The man voiced from out of the room, making Jaime put his furry cloak that someone left on the bedroom saying how cold it could get and he needed clothes from the north. 

Jaime was guided by the guard through the corridors made of stone and while walking he saw Podrick training outside on the cold, panting and looking almost as if his arms were about to fall of his body. Podrick seemed to notice eyes looking at him because he turned around and stared at Jaime. His blaze expression making Jaime surprised, the boy always was smiling so it was strange to see his reaction being that one.

They entered the main room, the Starks were sitting side by side on one side of a majestic table made of dark wood, while Tyrion was looking grimly to Jaime. Brienne was behind Sansa, looking straight ahead and not even acknowledging Jaime’s entry.

And then there were only them in the room, the guards leaving and giving them privacy.

“Sir Jaime Lannister, your brother seems to think you are going to be an asset to the next war. I’m inclined to believe him, but I also would like to hear your thoughts about that statement…” Jon Snow spoke first and with a grave tone, his dark eyes burying in Jaime’s with a sort of prejudice on them. Jaime couldn’t blame him. Starks and Lannister hardly were allies. “I know about your past atrocities, and your past deeds...And I am thankful for your help almost two months ago during the Night Walkers Battle. But I don’t particularly trust you.”

Jaime stared at the bastard. He wasn’t going to say anything stupid, not know, not when there were two people in this room that he would like to make them proud. But something about the way Jon Snow’s leadership voice sounded, made him angry. He knew about the man’s dalliance with the Dragon Queen...who turned out to be exact like her father, who turned out to be the killer of thousands of innocent people.

“She burned them all.”

Jaime’s voice sounded almost as a whisper, they barely heard, but Tyrion and Brienne sucked in their breaths. Jon looked at the Lannister not quietly understanding why he was saying that.

“She burned them all as her father would have done. And you let your emotions got the best of you…You all did!” He yelled the last words, not being able to control himself. He remembered the fire, people melting, because they didn’t bend down their knees to the Targaryen girl. “You all believed that she would do the right thing…

“Jaime-” Tyrion tried to stop him.

“I know you all hate me. Why not? I’m the stupidest Lannister that fell for his own sister and would do anything for her...but you know what I did in the end? I chose to be here and help you all with those monsters!” He was panting, his heart seemed to be faster than ever and his head felt lightwaited. “And then I went back to try and stop her...I was late though...And I’m sor-ry…” Jaime saw Sansa’s eyes get all emotional, he didn’t understand why, he was just having a mental breakdown in a room full of people who hated him...apart from Tyrion. “I guess I’m not the only stupid pers-” His body became limp suddenly, he felt the way his mind was a bit alert but his body seemed to turn off.

His face hit the ground, Tyrion was there hovering over him, placing his hand on his forehead. Noticing the way Jaime was burning up, he should have predict he would had a fever again, they were coming and going this past month.

Jaime woke up to the feeling of someone holding his hand. He knew that hand.

“Bri-”

“Shut up.”

He opened his eyes to see her sitting on his bed, next to his head. One hand clutching his, and the other holding a book. She closed the book, throwing him somewhere he didn’t see it, and turned her head to look at him.

Jaime loved and hated her eyes. He loved because they were hers, and hated because he could see she was angry with him.

“I don’t think you did any good yelling at them.”

“Urgh.”

“At least, Lady Sansa was amused by your meltdown. She was the only one who didn’t believe on the Targaryen girl.”

Jaime’s smile faded. At first, only the fact that Brienne was taking to him seemed too much as dream that he was dazzled by it, but then reality came crashing down on his face.

“She burned them all, Brienne.” He said breathless, trying to sit down on the bed and after she helped him, he finally did. “She…Tyrion told me that the bells went on...still-”

“Jaime-” Brienne’s hand went to each side of his face, the same way she held him when he was going back to King’s Landing. “Listen to me...Yes, she burned them all to ashes...including your sister. But you have to stop feeling like this. You have to pick a side or an idea and stick with that. You can change your actions now...They will not hesitate to finish you if you smell like betrayal. You need to live.”

“I want to live.”

Her lips wavered, almost showing a smile, but then her whole face close again.

“I don’t want to be mad with you anymore.”

“I don’t want to leave you again...those things I said-”

“They are in the past, Jaime.” Brienne leaned down and pressed her lips to his. He smiled against her kiss. “I know you have a good heart deep down.”

 

**THE END**


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